It's Lonely at the Top

Shani Davis, speed skater, wins the gold medal in the 1000m yesterday. He is the first African American to win a gold medal in any Winter Olympics.

I happened to be up early this morning and became engulfed in the speed skating competition. I haven't been watching theWinter Olympics much and I have never watched a speed skating competition. The competition was fierce. There were 21 competitors, racing in pairs, the 1000m of iced track. It was great. I watched as the likes of China, the Netherlands, theUSA and various other countries competed for the fastest times in order to win the coveted three medals.

I watched as American, Chad Hedrick kept the leading time. The commentators would wonder if anyone would beat his time, as each pair failed to do so. The cameras would then cut to Shani Davis in his warm ups and the commentator began to tell his story. He is the first African American man to qualify for the Winter Olympics (Salt Lake being his first, in which he won a silver medal). They then cut to a feel good piece where Davis and his mother discussed his dedication to the sport as a young child in growing up in Chicago. He was ragged on for playing such an unusual sport and not conforming to the usual sports like, basketball or football.

Conforming is a word unknown to Davis. He seems like a loner. Quiet, and often misunderstood, kind of like myself. I watched as the drama unfolded. There was controversy already and he hadn't even began to skate. Members of Team USA felt shafted because he wouldn't skate on the team pursuit, which is kind of like a relay. He wanted to focus on his own race. He didn't train for the team pursuit. He put all of his energies into skating the 1000m and 1500m(Tuesday) -- and it paid off because dude won the gold by like three-tenths of a second or something.

He was interviewed by this blond haired reporter and preceded to give her short answers without much emotion. He had just made history by being the first African American to win gold in an individual sport and he was "pretty happy about it." The reporter proceeded to ask Davis if he was angry looked surprised when he replied "I'm just at a loss for words."

There's no denying it, Davis is rubbing these people the wrong way. His "teammate, " Hedrick, commented on Davis' winning the gold by saying "He skated fast." Shani and his mom are less than pleased with the speed skating folks. She feels her son was denied opportunities, i.e. marketing , because he is brown in a virtually all white sport. Shani is not the only skater who did not want to compete in the team pursuit, why was he the only one questioned about it? He's trying to make his mark on this sport in his own way. Now since Shani is not reacting and doing what these white folks want him to do, he is a rebel. Like my wise friend Dana said earlier today, "This ain't slavery."

Is Blood Thicker than Water?

You can't choose them. You can't live with 'em and can't live without 'em.
Ideally, it should be that out of everyone in the world, your family would be those which you could entrust with your life, in all realms, not just the physical. ( For the purposes of this entry, I am generalizing family into one category)

I have not really been one to rely on my family for many things, material or emotional. Life just did not play out that way for me. I am very grateful and blessed for the positive role that numerous family members play in my life, without my asking. I have learned though, that realistically the only person I can truly rely on is God and myself. So I guess you could say, from my family, I do not expect much. Someone once told me, "you came into this world alone and you will die alone." That statement is harsh and grave, but true.

I have learned to deal with my own emotions and hash them out alone, when the adults in my life were blinded by their own anger, sadness, or hurt. In many ways, like I said, I am self-reliant. I know that I will always be there when I need me.

This all being said, there are just certain things you know your family will not do--but they love to prove you wrong. After all, isn't "blood thicker than water?"

Due to repeated events of my faith being broken in certain family members, I have come to treat certain friends as if they are family. Is this wrong? It doesn't feel wrong. I love my family, but I am also losing faith in them.

Some Things on My Mind...

What is dating? And is it even possible in today's society? Does it take a certain level of maturity? Is dating just a cop out for people who are not ready to be in a committed relationship to escape reality? Or is it a way for us to keep our hand in the candy jar searching for the perfect piece to satisfy us?

I'm grappling with these questions right now. My mom and many other wise adults have told me since high school "Date around." "Don't settle." My mom has told me variations of these two phrases the most often. She says "don't be like me" The only guy she ever dated in high school (my father), became her first everything. He was her first boyfriend and father to 4 of her children. She feels she never got a chance to see what was out there, she just got comfortable and settled. Every man she was with (2 in total) after my father she married. She says "don't get stuck." It happens to the best of us. You become smitten and stuck in a rut with one particular person, who may not be placing you at the highest level or treating you the way you deserve to be treated.

It would be ideal to date around and "try out" different people in order to be led to that right person. Although I would like to do this, it never quite works out for me. I get stuck, usually, on one person. I become smitten and see nothing but that person. Or I get into situations in which he is in love with me and I am just chillin. I just want to chill, hang out, and he wants to be exclusive.---not gon' work...

Not everyone can handle the idea that the person they are seeing is dating other women/men in addition to you. I tend to be very territorial/possessive, as do most women, when it comes to men I am seeing. It is inate..I can't change that. I am not overt with my posessiveness though. Men can be the same way at times. To avoid negative reactions, some people keep their dating habits from one another, which only causes major problems, that honesty could have avoided.

So what is dating to you? Help me out...