Fantasizing about a New Love

I posted about this in the past and I was unable to get the song downloaded to give you a sample of this beautiful song. Anyone can relate to this song, it's so honest and beautifully done. This is a version of Fantasize Floetry did on Def Poetry Jam. Enjoy :)

Colorgenics---Tells you about yourself based on the order in which you choose 8 colors; Here is my profile

Wow...how closer can you get to the truth about me. This is very interesting how my choice of 8 colors can tell so much about my personality. I am always examining and reexamining myself, but this evaluation of me just hit it right on the nose. Every single point was accurate and kind of sad :/ I have something to say about this, but I don't have time to post about it. Will do later though :).

You are a very emotional and sensitive individual. Your life and love of life is dominated by your emotions - you have great feeling towards your fellow man and you are always full of enthusiasm but be careful, you tend to let your heart rule your head and this being so, you could be easily hurt - as perhaps you may have indeed been hurt in the past.

In the past there have been - and maybe there still are - many things that you have had to do without. You have now decided to set your sights on a position or situation that could give you greater prestige and which will afford you considerable self esteem.

You feel very lonely and frustrated at this time but your shyness and modesty precludes you from establishing any deep form of relationship. You feel rather isolated and alone. You are egocentric and you believe that you are always right - well maybe you are - but you have a short fuse and are likely to take offence for the slightest reason.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You need to be needed and would like a situation where you will no longer be subjected to pressures and demands from those about you. There is no harm in 'dreaming' but it is you - and only you - that can be able to realise those dreams and to turn them into reality.

Randomness

I am supposed to be writing a story for class and I am drawing a blank, so I figured blogging would help get my "juices flowing." There have been many things going on in my life that I've wanted to blog about but I just have not sat down and hashed them out. So as a result, this blog is going to be a bit scattered and random.


My stepfather passed away.

It was just as hard to type that as it is talking about it. I have never handled death well. Who does? It has all been surreal for me. He died on October 12th at the age of 58. In August he had gotten pretty sick. His body basically gave out on him and his days were numbered. His physical appearance was no testimony to what he was experiencing on the inside. He was strong enough mentally to make us all believe he was going to be here much longer than the time his immune system had alotted him. The last time I saw him( a couple weeks before he passed away), I was sure he would last at least until Thanksgiving. He was energized and the same Paul I had grown to know and love over the last 8 years.

I did not have a close relationship with my stepfather. I actually despised him for a time when I was in high school. I was a teenager and I felt as though he was hindering my quest to get to know my mother. I wanted her all to myself. I was young, stubborn, and rebelious and I didn't communicate that to anyone. Instead I would ignore him.

It wasn't always that way though. When I first moved in with my mother, he helped me to nurture my interest in basketball. A native of Hartford, he took me to the hood (Hartford's NorthEnd) to play ball at the famed Anderson/Parker Center. I loved that place and Paul knew everyone in there, so I got special treatment. He made sure I was taken care of whenever I would go there by myself. All I had to do was tell them I was Paul's daughter. If I came when the gym was supposed to be closed, they would open the gates and say"Oh yeah, you're Paul's daughter." Thanks to Paul's connections, I met Jen Rizotti at a basketball workshop. She said I was a good passer! I will never forget that. Jen Rizotti, one of the best point guards in women's basketball, praised my passing skills during a passing drill.

I know that Paul was suffering and that his passing was the best thing and in God's plan. My faithful mother stuck by his side the entire time and I can not even begin to imagine the agony she felt watching her love die and to now be without him. My pain and sadness is mostly rooted in knowing the pain my mother is experiencing.

"He was my other half. We went everywhere together. I didn't drive anywhere. Paul drove me everywhere. He made up for the things I was naive or dumb about," my mother said in a recent phone conversation.

I will always remember his hearty "Heeey Kid" when I would come home to visit for a break or just to pick up some things. I knew he cared about me because of what he did. He didn't have to say anything. I'm gonna miss you Paul.

Paul, my stepfather, chilling at my house.->

More Thoughts...
Today was a weird day for me. One of those emotional days that come out of the blue. I feel like one of those cartoons walking around with one storm cloud over their head. It was a beautiful day today, unseasonably warm and pleasant. I of course, didn't enjoy it. Basically, the male species sucks. But I am game to anyone from this species who wishes to prove me wrong. Bring it.

17 years of school is enough. I'm ready to get up out of these classrooms and focus on my career, passions, goals,...life. No more papers! No more exams! Down with classmates attempting to impress professors! Down with reading endless chapters of boring material.

I am off of my soapbox now. ;)

Good night and good luck.
~EFIE