TRUST

It's an issue for me. The big "T" word. Maybe it's because a couple of important people in my life have made it difficult for me to trust them. Or maybe I just question everything. It's so easy for people to tell a lie, how do you know the difference between BS and the real honest truth?

I'm always questioning people's actual motives and intentions. Does he really like me? Is he really attracted to me? What do these people really think of me?

On the flip side of this I may not trust what people say, but I do believe in action. I believe a person's actions over a word they speak any day. I'm starting to think this may have screwed up my love life to some degree. I end up reading too deeply into a person's (selected) actions and never coming to terms with what they are really saying to me, which in most cases is pretty important. I need some balance here. No one's perfect and I'm not going to find someone who will tell me the truth every day, although that would be ideal. lol I think the main problem is that now i start to question every thing a guys says way too early.

The more I think about the root of my lack of trust in words, I think its roots lie somewhere in my insecurities as well. I never think that I am that desirable in general and therefore never believe when anyone is actually interested or attracted to me. This goes for all relationships, work, dating, friends, etc. Either I am scarred from rejections past, or just plain insecure. I think it's a little of both. Constantly trying to prove to someone (for years) that you are a good fit for them and that you are in love with them, and repeatedly being told that your feelings are not what you think they are and in turn being rejected because of his inability to take a risk again, has kind of taken a toll on me .

I need a refresher course in "I'm a fly woman, of course men are attracted to me" lol. I'm getting there though.