A New Chapter

I have to wake up in a little under 4 hours. I must be crazy. Tomorrow is my first day at my new job. It is a position totally foreign to me, although I know I have the skills, I've just never taken on this much responsibility. I will be taking a break from shooting in the field every day and working as an editorial assistant for a bi-monthly magazine/website...in NYC. It is prob the dream job for this point in my life. I am excited, nervous, anxious, and deeply saddened. My emotions are all over the place.

I was offered this job the day of my Auntie's homegoing service, which was bittersweet, but put me in a much more peaceful mood that day. I wasn't supposed to hear about the job for another week after that. My peace came from knowing that ultimately God is in control and everything happens for a reason. I knew she was rooting for me to get this job and is elated for me.

Even though I know my Auntie has gone on to a happier better place, I still find myself thinking about all of the little things I miss about her. So at this time, when I am supposed to be sleeping, I am thinking about the fact that I can't share with my Auntie this exciting time. She would have called me tonight and tomorrow morning (whether i answer or not) wishing me luck and telling me she has all faith in me, she loves me, and is so proud of me. Those little things, I will miss the most. Her random greeting cards, her hugs, emails, and genuine concern for my well-being. I have this strange feeling that I am alone without her. A major portion of my life is gone from this earth and it's hard to deal.

For My Auntie; Sunrise 11/03/1950 - Sunset 7/2/08

Auntie, praising God for the wonder that is the earth, while watching sun rise on a cruise, summer '06.

How do you put into words the significance of the life of the woman who raised you? Maybe my grief is still too fresh to fine tune my thoughts and reflections on the life of my Auntie. I am supposed to be putting together a poem or short write up for the program which I am having the hardest time completing. I want to create a slide show like I do for for all of my other relatives who pass, but I can't look at multiple photos of her without getting emotional. Trust a slide show will be completed in due time.

The words are not coming out coherently right now. I am praying for strength and I hope it comes soon. She always said we were "two tough cookies"... R.I.P Auntie, you'll always be in my heart.