Cleaning out My Closet

I started getting my daily horoscope emailed to me as a result of visiting some website. I'm not one to put faith in astrology, but I do think they are interesting to read. They are especially interesting to read when they actually have something to do with what is going on in my life. My horoscope for today reads:

Erin,
You might believe that you have reached the end of an era as a project or a relationship goes through powerful changes. This doesn't, however, indicate that it's all over; it's more about transformation. The days ahead can be less dramatic and traumatic if you are willing to shift your goals with the changing situation.

As I read my horoscope I couldn't help but think about a particular relationship that has been going through a transformation on my behalf. I knew I was changing, but it became painfully obvious this weekend. I have mentioned in a previous post, the circumstances of my first love. Well, the guy and the situation has dominated my mental for two years. He had me on a yo-yo, swinging me back and forth, whenever he felt like it and I was always available. It has been like a mental roadblock, majorly contributing to this. I had been living with the hope of what could have been between us and I never faced the reality of what it actually was-until recently anyway.

So, lately(*the last eight months) I have been trying to mentally detach myself from him and the situation. For me this means cutting off contact. I rarely talk to him and see him even less. It hasn't been the easiest thing I've done. Well, this weekend, that changed. I spent a considerable amount of time with him as a result of him wanting to cook for me. I'm not one to turn down free food and besides, I had done it for him on numerous occassions. Being around him didn't feel the same anymore. I found myself wanting him to leave, whereas in the past I would have been trying to keep him around as long as possible.

I also realized that I had changed and he did not. It was like he thought I wanted him to be there. He even said "you're going to wish I was here when I leave." I felt wierd spending time with him and I am realizing that this is because I am changing. I am going through a "transformation." It is the "end of an era" as my horoscope says. With graduation coming soon and my move to Phoenix this summer, I am looking forward to time away from him, mentally and physically. I'll be cleaning out my mental closet.